Well yesterday sure turned out to be a day to forget. By early afternoon Liana was crying and whining and nothing could distract her for more than two or three minutes, and then the weeping started again. She was EXHAUSTED but would not would not would not sleep. She wanted to be held. She wanted to be let down. She wanted to be held again. She wanted the botttle. She threw the bottle. She cried that she wanted the bottle she just threw.

I really did not know what to do. Since she had not had a breakdown like this before (except for the first few days here when she was grieving her loving foster parents, and even then it was not this long) I was really at a loss. Was she sick? In pain? In which case I should hold her and love her and let her know that I am there for her. Or was she testing me? You have no idea how many time she threw things, and I bent over to pick them up while she was still in my arms. My back is killing me. Was she hungry? I fed her and fed her and fed her? Did she have gas? She seemed to, so I got the baby gas medicine I brought with me, but I had to wrestle with her to read the instructions because she wanted to play with the box. I was so at a loss. Should I toss her in the crib (she sleeps in bed with me, but we have a crib in the room that she HATES) and let her cry it out? Should I keep bending over to pick things up and try to amuse her, in hopes of moments of peace? If she is in pain, if her tummy hurts, I should distract her and hold her and love her and let her know that she is safe. If she is just in a pissy mood, refusing to sleep, I should not give in. Is she really still hungry? Did I feed her to much, which is why she has a belly ache? What am I doing wrong?

By nighttime I was close to tears. My neighbor dragged us out to eat, and Liana continuted to be cranky cranky nasty nasty in the restaurant, throwing things and screaming and not a smile was to be found. Well, there was a brief series of smiles when she threw a balloon for mommy to chase and bend over and pick up, but the rest of the time she was nasty. My friend put her on her lap and fed her while I sat and listlessly poked at my pasta. By the time I got to bed, my back was so sore that I could not even get comfortable, so I had to borrow some ibuprofen.

And this morning? We woke up a snuggly. I gave her her bottle, and she climbed on top of me and bounced a bit (ouch... still sore) and then snuggled up with her head on my belly. Nothing could be sweeter. She didn't give me a hard time washing her hair. (Ask me about bathing drama....) And then out we went! Yummy breakfast. Giggles and smiles and hugs and lots of fun things to point at. Practiced walking. Hung out in the park. Bought some earrings and a necklace from a woman who was soooo thrilled to make a sale. Came home and ran around the courtyard. Had a nice lunch of bananas and cheerioes and then I gave her her bottle and held her in my arms. She did that adorable thing that she does, holding the bottle with one hand, and putting her finger in my mouth with the other hand, as if she is feeding me. And now she is fast asleep.