Well, I'm just about packed. Liana is taking her last nap here in Antigua.

Word has gotten around today that we were leaving. I am not really into goodbyes, so I haven't told anyone but the folks here at the apt. But one neighbor told a street vendor, and that was the end of that. EVERYONE knows we are leaving. We went to breakfast and then to the park, and all of the street vendors were asking me to buy something from them since it was my last day. I don't need anything, I have no room in my luggage, but the pressure was so great. But all of the women pulled the trump card on me too. School starts in a couple of weeks. Each child will need 300 quetzales to start school. So they begged me to help them raise the money for their kids to go to school. And could I resist?

I didn't write about the incident in a restaurant last week. It was the middle eastern place that I like to go to for hummus and tabuli. Liana was in a very active/cranky mood. She would not sit still. She was grabbing things and throwing things, and I hardly got a chance to eat at all. Someone at another table held her a few minutes while I took a few bites, but I was tired and getting cranky myself, so we were on our way out when three little boys ran into the restaurant offering shoe shines. They were about 7 years old. One little boy used the "but your shoes are really dirty" line on me when I declined his offer. Liana was behaving like a restless octopus in my arms, and I was getting a little cranky, and so I was a little short with the kid, telling him that insults were not the way to get future business.

And then I noticed. They all had their eyes on the food. The food that I was about to walk away from. Pita bread, a little hummus, some condiments, the lettuce that had served as a bed for the tabuli. I asked if they wanted some. And the mood suddenly turned festive. They were so excited. They each took a piece of pita bread, and discussed ways to get the hummus on it. One went straight for the lettuce under the tabuli, and the others followed suite. They asked about the pickled condiments, and quickly gobbled those up to. Like kids that age should act on Christmas morning or their own birthday parties, these kids were acting over the leftovers that I was mindlessly walking away from.

So when the street vendors talk about not being able to afford to send their children to school, my heart breaks. And this morning they all passed beautiful Liana around for the last time, and wished her well on her long journey.

Tomorrow we wake up in NY.

Yipppeeeee!!!!! Internet is back up.

Don't have too much time to write, but I thought I'd post a few pics of Christmas in Antigua! The first two pics are from the terrace here in the apartments, overlooking the courtyard.

Remind me again why I live in NY?

Hi Everyone! All is well. We have not had internet at the apartments since Sunday, which is why I haven't written. Had a lovely Christmas and we are getting ready to head home.

If the internet comes on tonight or tomorrow, I'll post some pics. I'm at an internet cafe right now to print my boarding pass! If the internet does not come back on, I won't post until we get home.

Love to all.

Well breakfast this morning was an exciting event all around. The initial plan was to drink our juice out of a sippy cup rather than the bottle. She *can* drink from a sippy cup, but so far she has always had her morning juice from her juice bottle. As opposed to her milk bottle.

Well not only did she drink from the sippy cup with ease, but when she saw the juice arrive in a plastic cup with a straw, she wanted to give that a try too! So she drank watermelon juice from a straw!!!!

As if that was not enough excitement for the day, we than had the Sunday breakfast buffet! Life should be a buffet, I think. Full of endless options. Today's options included a simply yummy spinach quiche, and a cold Japanese noodle salad, in addition to the standard breakfast fare. And Liana LOVED both. Oddly, pancakes were not interesting today, nor was cantaloupe. But cold Japanese noodle salad was a major hit!!!

Antigua is clearly in full holiday season mode. In addition to the typical weekend Guatemala City tourist types, (with strollers and high heal shoes and expensive jeans and whatnot) we have a new influx of folks who appear to be here visiting family for the holidays. The new influx seem to be country folk, coming to the big city of Antigua to visit family.

While wandering around the park today I saw an extended family, lead by a young couple. Everyone, including the young couple, were wearing indigenous clothes. The young man, however, carried his precious three month old daughter in a Western style baby bjorn carrier, as opposed to the traditional way the women carry the babies wrapped in cloth slings. Dad was beaming with pride, and mom was on his arm, glowing just as much. They walked with the confidence of folks who are walking around the place that they live, while the rest of the entourage had that sort of awed look that one sees on the faces of tourists arriving for the first time in Times Square. The older folks, parents, aunts and uncles perhaps, maybe even a set of grandparents of the young couple, looked around at the craft stalls and the massive fountain and the elaborate landscaping of the park with the eyes of those who were seeing these sites for the first time. I crossed paths with this group several times this morning. I coo'ed over their sweet baby, and they all coo'ed over Liana. We made polite conversation.

At a certain point Liana was playing by the edge of the fountain, and this group passed by us again. They stopped and greeted us, and watched Liana's animated delight for a bit. One of the older men, in a Spanish accented with indigenous rhythms, asked if Liana was my daughter. I nodded and said yes, and said that I had just finished the process of adopting her. There was a soft buzz among the older people in the group, in their native language, and a clarification from the younger couple, who, I assume live her and Antigua and have seen other foreign families here in the process of adopting Guatemalan children. The eldest man nodded and touched her face. He then asked if I was going to bring her with me to NY...as if the whole concept was still sinking in. I said yes. He said that her life would be very different. That she would see different things. He said that life in Guatemala was difficult. That she would have different opportunities. He kept looking into her eyes, the eyes that looked like his, not mine.. the eyes that he knew would see things that he could not imagine. I think he also was thinking about the things that she would not see. He then touched her face again, and looked at the baby in their group, who I imagine was his great granddaughter. The other elder people in the group then touched Liana's face. And then each said good bye to me. As they walked away, their eyes were still on Liana.

Well it was a pleasant solstice all around. After the sun set behind the volcano of fuego we wandered into a Spanish restaurant, and I have good news and bad news about the dinner itself. The good news was that they served red beans, and Liana LOVED them. I cannot tell you how sick I have become of black beans, and although I know that they will have to become somewhat of a staple in our diets, I cannot bear the thought of eating them twice a day! So we like red beans. Perhaps lentils too! The bad news is that Liana left the park with a full pair of shoes. A full pair, of course, consists of two shoes. When we arrived at the restaurant, sadly she was only wearing one shoe. We go through shoes like Imelda Marcos here.

After dinner we walked again in the park and ran into Santa Clause, as well as some friends from town. Then mommy was feeling festive, so we went out to listen to marimba and eat an overpriced brownie with ice cream.

Yup. We are on vacation now.

Well happy solstice! The sun is ridiculously bright and the sky is ridiculously blue here in Antigua, which is a wonderful way to spend what is, in the northern hemisphere, the shortest day of the year. Starting tomorrow, each day will get a little big longer. Not that it makes that much of a difference here. We are closer to the equator, so there will be much more sunlight here today than there will be in NY. And of course much much more than there will be in Alaska and Helsinki and whatnot. But it is comforting for me to know that when we return to NY, each day will be a tiny bit longer than the last. I hate the lack of sunlight. And I am delighted to welcome its return.

For those of you out there who don’t know, the whole reason for decorating a Christmas tree is to honor the evergreen on the shortest day of the year, because the evergreen does not die when all the other plants die. By putting lights on the green tree on the shortest day of the year, we are symbolizing our desire for the light to return, and asking the evergreen to use its power of life to help the return of the light. The Catholic church was brilliant at taking traditions of the native populations (in this case, Northern Europeans) and calling them Christian traditions. That is why, even here in Guatemala, we see the evergreens as symbols of this season.

But enough on theology and history! LOL.

I like traditions and ceremonies and rituals. One of my personal traditions is to dine well in celebration of an important event. And here is a photo of Liana and I holding up her visa on the day she received it. On the completely different end of the tradition/ritual scale, here is a photo of a posada (a Latin American Christmas tradition that doesn't seem to have parallels in other parts of the Christian world, probably borrowed from some indigenous traditions) that went past our apartment last night.

All around, life is good.

Right now I am on vacation. For the first time since the cruise I took with my mom the summer before last. When we got back, I started paper-chasing for the adoption. I had done all of my research, had decided on Guatemala, had decided on Gladney as my agency. I had just moved, and had not even really finished unpacking. Had lots of RFP’s to write that summer. And this past summer as well. Worked almost every weekend two summers in a row. But I had time to have a great cruise with my mom. I never in my wildest dreams would have believed that she would be dead seven months later.

I didn’t expect to be writing RFP’s last summer. I didn’t expect my mother to be dead. I didn’t expect that my adoption process would run into so many delays, and that beautiful Liana would still be in Guatemala.

I thought last summer my mom and Liana and I would be going to the beach and the zoo and the park together. That is not what happened.

I’ve been through a really really really rough time.

And now I’m on vacation with my daughter. She is mine. There is no more stress or paperwork. There are no more potential problems. Just the rest of our lives together. And we have a stress-free week together in beautiful Antigua, to celebrate the winter solstice and Christmas.

I really really need this vacation. Real life will kick in soon enough, and I think this week of stress-free rejuvenation will give me the strength to take on whatever real life has to offer.

We are leaving Guatemala City and going back to our sweet apartment in Antigua. Packing up the room now.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your attention please.

The Department of Homeland Security, known for its infinite wisdom, has decided to grant an IR3 Visa to Ms. Liana Della Williams, aka Kimberly Mariela.

We are free to travel.

And we will be home in NY on December 27.

Please prepare warm weather and sunshine for our return.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter.

Went to the zoo this morning! Getting Liana's visa this afternoon!

At that point, she is mine, by US law and Guatemalan law.

The zoo trip was interesting. Back in October we went to the zoo, shortly after I arrived here in Guatemala. It was our very first trip together out of the hotel. I was so frightened. A full hour and a half, alone with her, out in the unknown. I had completely forgotten how frightened I was that first trip until today when we arrived at the zoo, and I thought aobut our previous arrival. Two months ago she was this marvelous amazing being for whom I was responsible. She was, on many levels, an unknown. I was terrified that something might "go wrong."

Today we arrived at the zoo as mother and daughter. On every level. I am so in love with this little girl, I cannot even express it in words.

The embassy appointment was uneventful. Way too early in the morning. Lots of waiting. But we got to wait inside, sitting on chairs, unlike the crowds of Guatemalan nationals outside who were waiting for visas.

The Westin is odd. My mom loved her “Starwood preferred guest” thing, so I have been in many Westins, with my mom. She loved getting free stuff, and I remember that once she used some of her rewards on a gorgeous hotel on St. John, right on the beach. I joined my mom and dad there on a lovely trip that feels so much like the recent past.

This particular Westin is gaudy and pretentious in décor, but really lacking in basic service. I stood for 20 minutes waiting to check in, with Liana in tow, only to find that our room would not be ready for another hour, at 4 PM. The restaurants seem surprised to have customers. This morning after out long and boring embassy appointment, we rushed to the more modest of the two restaurants, only to be seated at a table that had not been cleared yet. After 10 minutes of sitting at a dirty table, I decided to go to the other restaurant, which was having a buffet. Liana was hungry and restless, and had spent hours already this morning waiting, and I didn’t want to make her wait any more. So I ran through the buffet and got some watermelon and a hard boiled egg and some bread, and got back to our table where I had to wait 5 minutes for silverware. Ummm. And it was a loooong 5 minutes with Liana pointing at the egg and the watermelon indignantly insisting that she wanted to eat. But I could not even slice the egg or get the seeds out of the watermelon without a fork or knife. I then had to hail someone down for coffee. And then someone else for milk with my coffee. I then noticed we had no napkins, and finally was given one. One napkin. With a 14 month old. Ummm. At this point I went to get some food for myself.

Now I’m not exactly a spoiled traveler. I’ve done the chicken buses and the backwoods motels and lodges. But if I am overpaying for Westin quality, blah blah blah, I expect, ummm, Westin quality.

But our room number is the first three digits of my parents’ phone number. The secular part of me dismisses this fact as irrelevant. The spiritual part of me thinks that this is a sign that my beloved parents are somehow here with me on a level that I cannot begin to understand. And the literary part of me thinks it makes good metaphor.

But overall, Liana is having fun here. She loves the rugs and the long hallways, and new places in general are just fun. I bought her yet another little dress this morning, and an illustrated Popul Vuh (the Mayan creation story) and a children’s book about growing up in the Guatemalan highlands by nobel peace prize winner Rigoberta Menchu, a woman I met many many years ago when I was working with Guatemalan refugees.

Well tomorrow is the big day! We are off to the Guatemala City Westin/Camino Real, where we will spend the next couple of nights. Tomorrow morning we have our appointment at the US Embassy at 7:15 AM!!!! We should get our visa the following afternoon.

We will be back in Antigua on Wednesday night or Thursday.

Guatemala is a land of volcanoes. Well, at least the center of the country. The Peten is a different landscape all together, with lush lowland jungles. But much of the Guatemalan landscape is dominated by towering volcanoes. Antigua’s avenues sit at the base of the majestic Agua volcano, which dominates the southern horizon of the city. It is the nearby Fuego volcano, however, that captures most of the limelight. Fuego, (fire, in Spanish) spits out smoke and ash on a daily basis it seems, and I think I was told that its famous red flames and lava are seasonal. I have only seen the smoke. Sometimes we sit on the balcony overlooking the courtyard, and watch the smoke come out of the volcano. I’m spending more time on the balcony these days, since Liana has mastered the art of climbing up the stairs. She can’t get down, and thankfully does not yet even try. But she loves going up.

Now this whole walking thing is starting to feel absurd. The kid can walk. She can balance herself, without holding on to anything, if she is doing something fun, like dancing or playing with a toy or drinking her bottle while watching something interesting. And she can walk sideways around tables and benches and couches. She can walk pushing her stroller. But as soon as I try to push her to walk without holding onto anything, she is down on her hands and knees, crawling like a little crab.

I think that today, December 15, 2007, is the 20th anniversary of the death of my beautiful grandmother Celia Carnahan Burgio, my mother’s mother.

My mother always remembered the anniversary of everyone’s death. I always scolded her, and told her that was morbid. On the other hand, I don’t even remember anyone’s birthday. But I remember my grandma’s death because I had to travel to Buffalo from Mexico, just as the holiday craziness had started, in order to attend her funeral. It took days of sleeping in airports and being on standby flights. Prior to her death, I had spent every Christmas of my life at my grandma’s house.

Before this year, I had spent every Christmas of my life with my mom. Somewhere. In recent years she opted for warm, tropical locations, after a lifetime of Christmas’s in Buffalo. I guess I started thinking about my grandma’s death today because I know if my mom were alive, she would have made a big fuss about it, and I would have told her she was being foolish.

My mom died April 6, 2007. It was Good Friday. My dad died the Wednesday before Easter in 2004. Holy Week/Spring Break, whatever one calls it, will always be a haunting time for me.

Well dammit. All of the Christian holidays, (which are, after all, the predominant ones) have associations with death or people I love.

I miss you grandma. There is no one I associate with Christmas more than you, and I always feel you this time of year. Not your death, but your life. Your joy. Your festive nature. I still hear almost every almost every Christmas carol in your voice, no matter who is singing it.
I promise that I will take a little time to celebrate your life, and try to forget that I even remembered this anniversary of your death.

Liana does this thing like the lady with the fan, or with a handkerchief. She holds an item... a bottle, a toy, sometimes even a symbolic cloth napkin, and very intentionally drops it. She does this very often in public... restaurant high chairs are big, as is her stroller. She then waits for someone to retrieve this item for her. Sometimes she looks mournfully towards the floor, gazing at the lost item. Sometimes she has already picked out her victim... the person who is meant to retrieve the item, and she gazes steadily into the individual's eyes until he or she bends over to pick the item up and then hand it back to her. Who can resist such an innocent, adorable little baby, who has just lost her beloved .... whatever?

The first stage of the process never fails. Someone bends over to retrieve the item and give it to Liana. If that person then stands back up and continues a conversation or picks up a fork to take another bite or continues waitressing or does anything other than google and play with Liana, the item is back on the floor immediately. The second stage of the pr0cess, of course, is that the person is expected to play or tickle or otherwise engage Liana, probably using the very item that was just retrieved from the floor.

Mom has a new rule. If Liana throws an item on the floor, the item goes in mom's bag. Period.

Enforcing this rule in public, however, is harder than you think. Mom bends over to retrieve item, avoiding contact with said princess, who is holding out her hands in anticipation of receipt of item. Mom then swiftly tucks item out of sight. Several things can happen at this point. Perhaps Liana's sad sad injured pout takes over. Or worse yet, the full-blown faux tantrum. Things become even more complicated if some kind soul beats mom to the floor to retrieve the item. That kind soul is certain that the item should be placed back in the hands of the precious innocent child, who is so clearly waiting to receive it. When the mean nasty gringa lady intercepts and tries to take the toy away, well, clearly she is nothing if not mean.

So lately I've allowed strangers to hand Liana an item once. I then explain that this is a game, and that it was not dropped by accident. Many strangers look suspiciously at my cynicism, but if they were really listening to me and not going goo goo with the princess, the item in question is probably already back on the floor, and my point is made.

Yeah. The kid is smart. And she also has excellent fine motor skills. And being with her is never ever boring.

It is snowing in NY. Another beautiful day in paradise here in Antigua. Well. Sort of.

We are almost done. This long long adoption process is almost over. But there is still enough drama to deplete my energy. The new procedure of emailing the Pink appointment should not be such a big deal. But enclosed in the appointment materials are instructions to bring all sorts of documents with us that... ummmm... we don't have. I spoke with my attorney's assistant, who said not to worry, and to talk with my attorney. I spoke with my driver/agency assistant who will be accompanying me to my appointment, and he said that I don't need certain documents that the email says I need. I spoke with my attorney, who said I needed to go to the USCIS website and download the documents myself. So I hired a nanny and went to an internet cafe with a printer, and tried to download documents, I-600, DS-230 and I-864-W. Got error messages on two of the three. Came back to the apartment and called my facilitator in Texas, who said that I should not need an I-600 since I submitted an I-600 A and that she had never heard of the DS-230, and that my driver/agency assistant will help me fill out the I-864-W. Ok. Glad I gave myself some time after the appointment, just in case things don't go as they should.

And then I look at Liana. I am so lucky. She is so wonderful. I cannot even imagine a time in my life without her. It is like she has always been with me. She is so beautiful.

I need to stop telling her how beautiful she is, because she is really smart, and smart is so much more important.

¿En perseguirme, Mundo, qué interesas?

¿En qué te ofendo cuando sólo intento

poner bellezas en mi entendimiento

y no mi entendimiento en las bellezas?

Yo no estimo tesoros ni riquezas.

y así, siempre me causa más contento

poner riquezas en mi pensamientoque

no mi pensamiento en las riquezas.

Sor Juana Inez de la Cruz circa 1680

Ok. Reality check done. Values in place.

Two weeks from right now Liana and I will be on a plane heading home. I hope she will be fast asleep. Hope I’ll be asleep too, for that matter.

After we face immigration and baggage claim (with way too many bags) followed by customs, and then go outside at what will be close to 3:00 AM in the freezing cold, we’ll hop in a cab and head home.

I don’t know how I’ll get all the luggage and the sleepy, most likely clingy and cranky little girl up the elevator and through the door to our home, but I know when I get there I’ll have an incredulous cat waiting in the wings. I have left him for extended periods before, but never this long. I know what his response will be. He will expect me to accompany him on an inspection of his food and water dishes, to ensure that each are properly filled. I will then be expected to rub his belly. He will then lead me on a tour of his litter box, to ensure that it also, is up to his standards. But I’m going to have a tired and confused and scared and clingy little girl with me, who is fascinated by animals at a distance (and on TV) but who gets really scared when she gets up close to one.

You two are going to have to learn to get along and love each other as much as I love both of you. It is going to be stressful. But we are family now.

Liana's mood is much better today, in spite of the fact that sharp, pointy teeth continue to push their way through all different corners of her mouth. And she won't let me near enough to see what is going on in there! She hates to have her face (or hands) washed, and she does not like anyone poking at her mouth. She will, however, stick out her tongue. And blow raspberries. :)

I did not tell you about our big celebratory dinner in honor of our embassy appointment. I had found out about a Japanese restaurant in town, and those of you who know me may be aware that I have been going through great withdrawal of tofu and miso and tamari and stuff like that. So Liana and I trekked all the way to the other side of Antigua to get mom her tofu.

Sadly, the restaurant did not start serving until 6:30, and it was just after 5 when we arrived, (Liana and I have a pretty wild nightlife here) so I decided that we would dine (at this inappropriate hour) at the Hotel Santo Domingo.

Had an amazing ravioli, stuffed with corn and local cheese, in a green herb sauce, that Liana and I both loved, followed by an amazing white chocolate mousse. Now regular readers already know that Liana and I LOVE the bar at the Hotel Santo Domingo because they have low tables and a squishy rug, and there is simply NOWHERE else in Antigua that is quite that much fun to practice walking. Every trip to the Santo Domingo bar results in increased walking skills. Now we had only been there during the day, and only for hot chocolate, so going to an actual bar at night for a glass of wine seemed like a special treat for mom!

Because Liana has been having a bit of diarrhea, (everyone says it is related to the teething) I had come out prepared with an extra pair of pants in case we had an accident in public. Which we did. The very moment mom's glass of wine arrived. So I reached into my well-prepared diaper bag, and pulled out the wipes and the cream and the powder and the changing pad and the extra pants... ummmmm.... but I did not have a diaper!!! How was this possible. A quick check with hotel staff indicated there was no store that sold diapers on site.

So I toook a quick sip of wine, asked for the check, which took a while, and tossed a confused Liana into her stroller. She kept pointing at her offensive diaper, which I seemed to be refusing to assist her with, and she was really not pleased that we had just arrived at such a fun spot to play, and suddenly I was packing her up and taking her away. I was clearly in that abusive/negligent mommy mode as far as she was concerned.

We then got assistance going down all of the various steps leading to the front door, and let me tell you... the little girl stunk. Meanwhile, she was taking off her shoes and socks, which is what she does when she is bored or irritated or looking for attention, and throwing them on the floor. AT the front door, the doorman attempted to get us a taxi or tuc tuc, and it took FOREVER. Finally, we jammed into our tuc tuc and headed home.

The next morning, the fabulous pink shoes were nowhere to be found. Oh well. They got lost somehow in the scramble to get my little girl out of her nasty diaper.

I would also like to note that we zoomed through the courtyard so fast once we got home, that my neighbor Rose became concerned as the evening went on, because she was used to hearing us make noise in the courtyard when we get home in the evening. So she started thinking about us going all the way to the other end of town and not coming back, and came and pressed her ear against the door, and heard that we were in fact home. Now how sweet is that?

Well it has been pretty tough to coax a smile out of Liana on this festive day. She has teeth coming in from every direction.. new bottom teeth, big nasty molars, and who knows what else. She is miserable. Her teeth hurt. Eating is tough. She chews her food, and the just holds it in her mouth and spits it out. So she is hungry. Soar and hungry. And all around cranky.

I gave her infant tylenol, and tried to rub oragel. She HATES oragel. And she was quite angry at me for trying to apply it to her sensative little mouth.

But in spite of the crankiness, I joined the other moms in dressing the kids up and joining in the festivities. And ultimately, a good time was had by all.

So tomorrow is Virgin of Guadalupe Day, which is celebrated here in Guatemala. For those of you who are not up on your various virgins, this is the one who appeared to Juan Diego (hey out there... correct me if I am wrong) in Mexico during the process of converting the local population to Catholicism. Juan Diego was an indigenous Mexican, and the virgin appeared to him with dark skin, just like his, and dressed as an Aztec princess, speaking in Nahuatl. She left her impression on a piece of cloth, with instructions to build a shrine to her on the spot where she appeared. The cloth is enshrined in Mexico City, and many people travel to visit it, often on their knees, to offer homage.

I went to see it many years ago, and I remember waiting in line quite a while, next to people whose journey had been much more arduous than my metro ride, and then as we got near the cloth, a conveyor belt sped us past the image, so that no one would spend too much time lingering. I know that friends of mine in Mexico described journeys that members of their families had made, on their knees, bleeding, to ask a certain favor of the virgin. One friend told me that she had been very sick as a child, and her father made this journey many miles to save her life.

If I remember, Mexicans do a big mass in honor of the event. Susana, don't you take your family to church at 5 AM or something like that?

Here in Guatemala, the holiday is marked by dressing all children up in indigenous clothing. Given how poorly the indigenous population is treated here, it is a little odd. In Mexico there is a saying... something like "so proud of our indigenous past, so ashamed of our indigenous present," and it seems that Guatemala could say the same. Is that an old saying? Why do I think that it was Carlos Fuentes. Again, smart readers out there, correct me if I am wrong.

But quite a few people have asked if I plan to dress Liana up for the children's parade, and so I went out yesterday and got her yet another outfit. Here she is trying on some clothes at the market! I think I ended up buying a different top. I'll try and take lots of photos of the events tomorrow!

If I may change the topic abruptly.... you might hear in the news that the Guatemalan Congress has passed a new adoption law, which creates a centralized bureaucracy to administer all adoptions. Sadly, I fear that Guatemala lacks the infrastructure to care for the children who are orphaned or abandoned or who have parents unable to care for them. Please remember that this does not effect my case. According to Guatemalan law, Liana is mine. I will keep you updated as I hear more about this law, and how it will effect other families and most of all, the kids.

Watch out NY, because the senorita Liana Della Williams will be hitting the streets of Jackson Heights some time late in the day on December 28. Expect her to be cold and disoriented, having arrived at JFK airport at 2:00 AM. But she will be gorgeous, as always!

Pink!

Pink!

Pink!

Yipeee!!!! Our embassy appointment is 12/18 at 7:15 AM!!!!! Irene, I bet you want to come meet me just to go to the appointment, don't you?

Our visa appointment is 12/19 at 3:30.

Liana is coming home!

I think that Liana has a secret life. I suspect that she sneaks out at night while I am asleep, and runs around Antigua making friends.

There is no other way to explain why whenever we walk in or out of a store or a restaurant, people start waving “hola Liana!” and “como estas Liana?” and when we leave, people who really look like complete strangers to me say “adios Liana!” Even when we are walking down the street, people greet her by name.

Her foster family was very impressed that she was so “famous” in Antigua. Yeah, I guess we are a rather conspicuous duo. And the fact that she does wave to people, especially people who are working, (like the construction workers we pass every day on our street) and she has been known to blow kisses as she passes people, contributes to the fact that people do remember her.

And of course the fact that she happens to be the most beautiful human being every to grace planet earth might be a factor as well. Ummm. Well…. At least in my opinion she is the most gorgeous human being to set foot upon the planet. But maybe I’m just a little bit biased here.

On the topic of putting one's foot on planet earth... look ma! No hands!!!

Well I’m glad I ignored the advise of everyone who said not to visit the foster family. We had a great day. They arrived with 4 kids, including granddaughter, niece, foster child, etc. We had a great breakfast, and then ran around the park, did a ½ horse carriage tour, (which the kids loved!) and then came to the apartments, where some residents had set up a little wading pool.

But more important than what we did was the love that was so clear. Liana spent the first year and one month of her life in the loving embrace of this wonderful extended family. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to offer a child so much love for a year, and then to just see her go. Later in the day, when we were all feeling comfortable with one another, the foster mom took Liana off for a bit of a private walk. I saw them on the other side of the park, and the senora was holding her and talking to her and cuddling her, and getting just a little bit of private time before having to give her away for forever… this child who she had so loved and nurtured.

We will see how Liana wakes up from her nap. She might have a bit of a regression. She might not. She went easily from arm to arm today, being passed around by adults and kids, and then easily back to me. Even if she has a little bit of a throw-back, it was still worth it to honor these wonderful people whose impact on Liana will always be there.

I am really glad I did this.

Oh what a day. I am so stressed out about not getting my Pink Appointment. I am taking Liana tomorrow (against the advise of lots of people) to hang out with her wonderful foster family. The transition of leaving them was hard. And we may have some stress after the visit. But Liana’s foster mom, and her kids and granddaughter were Liana’s loving family for the first year of her life. And I think I owe them the opportunity to say goodbye. But I am nervous. I am meeting the foster mom at the park at 9:30. She is bringing 4 kids.

Liana refused to take a nap today, so all of the chores that I planned to do during her nap did not get done. Including calling the airlines to figure out what to do with the airline ticket that I have for next Monday, but which I am unable to change because I have no idea when my Embassy appointment is going to be.

And to top it all off, Liana was playing with some courtyard kids and took a nasty fall. She bit her lip with her little teeth, and has a little dried blood in her nose that I have been trying to clean out with aloe gel and a q-tip. Her foster parents will think I am abusing her. I’m bringing her to breakfast with dried up blood crusting her little nose.

And having me poke at her with a q-tip has made her quite miserable, and crankier than she would have been without having taken a nap or having a bloody nose. So she slapped me, and I said “no, suave” and showed her how to touch softly. She slapped me again, and I said “no, suave” and touched softly. You have to understand, we do the “no, suave” thing with the kids here all the time when one hits the other. So she hit me again, and I put her in time out. Only her second time out ever. The first one was for hitting too. Well she cried for the full 30 seconds, and so did I. Even though I’ve decided to do time out for hitting, maybe I should have cut the kid a break this evening.

Rough day. All around.

No Pink. No bad news either. Just nothing. In abundance.

I am sooooo losing patience with this wait for my email from the US Embassy. People whose DNA was submitted after mine have already gotten their Pinks and have appointments for the Embassy interview. This process has taken me so long as it is, and I was emotionally prepared for more delays with my second DNA, but the results came back fine! So what is the hold up at the Embassy?

At this point it seems that I am probably going to stay here for Christmas. We are cutting it much much closer than I thought we would. Monday when we got the DNA results, I thought we could possibly have our Embassy interview next week. Now the following week might not even happen.

I have always been really good with kids, but I don’t know a thing about babies and toddlers. I’m making it up as I go along. Of course being a nerdy intellectual type, I’ve done a lot of reading. And being an outgoing social creature, I’ve done a lot of talking with other parents. And as a student of my environment, I’ve watched lots of other moms.

My major effort has gone into creating environments for Liana with minimal reasons to say “no.” She understands “no” and she responds to it. But I like saying “eso!” and “yeah!” and “mas!” much more. The positive reinforcement is much more my style. I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “testing limits” which is, of course, what a little toddler brain wants to do all the time. I am fascinated by watching Liana “test” and see what is ok, and what isn’t.

Liana is fascinated with faces, which is very age appropriate. So we talk about faces a lot, (ummm… I talk, she interacts) and I touch her nose and say “nariz” and then touch mine or someone else’s or the nose on a statue or a painting. We do it with eyes and ears and mouths and ears too. But the nose issue has been coming up in an interesting way. She has traditionally smiled and laughed when I touched her nose and then other noses. Then the other night in a restaurant, I saw her with her finger right up her nostril. I said “no, sucio!” and she looked genuinely surprised and startled. After all.. I had been touching her nose for fun, and she was just exploring further. And I encourage exploration. It must have been confusing. So she went for the nostril again, and I said no again. Hmmm… She thought about it for a few seconds, and put her finger on the side of her nose, next to the nostril, and looked at me to see if that was ok. I kind of felt neutral aobut it, so I didn’t really react. She went up the nostril again, and got a no. Hmmm… She was clearly confused. She then touched the tip of her nose, and then reached out to touch the tip of my nose. “Nariz!” I exclaimed. And then “nose!” Hmmmm. I watched her little brain working... trying to figure this out. Up the nostril again? “No.” The side of the nose? No response from me other than a steady gaze. The tip of hers. I touched the tip of mine. She smiled. The nostril again? “No.”

Testing limits. Literally. It was clear that this particular limit was confusing, and I guess my “touch the nose” game, which she enjoyed a lot, made it more confusing.

Since the original incident in the restaurant, whenever I try now to touch her nose, she shakes her head “no.” I don’t know if this “no” is saying she doesn’t want to play the game, or if this “no” is saying the game is too confusing, or if this “no” is just expressing her power of “no” since I had clearly expressed my power of “no” by not allowing her to put her finger up her nostril, so she is saying "no," I may not touch her nose.

We are both trying to figure the whole thing out together. But I am really lucky to have a receptive learner, with an active curiosity, and a willingness to experiment. There will be many more limits to test as the days and weeks and years go by. I hope that I can be clear, and not confusing. I hope that I can keep finding more reasons to say “yes” instead of “no.” And I hope as her cognitive skills develop, I have good reasons for every “no” and that I never give a “no” without reason.