I have always been really good with kids, but I don’t know a thing about babies and toddlers. I’m making it up as I go along. Of course being a nerdy intellectual type, I’ve done a lot of reading. And being an outgoing social creature, I’ve done a lot of talking with other parents. And as a student of my environment, I’ve watched lots of other moms.
My major effort has gone into creating environments for Liana with minimal reasons to say “no.” She understands “no” and she responds to it. But I like saying “eso!” and “yeah!” and “mas!” much more. The positive reinforcement is much more my style. I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “testing limits” which is, of course, what a little toddler brain wants to do all the time. I am fascinated by watching Liana “test” and see what is ok, and what isn’t.
Liana is fascinated with faces, which is very age appropriate. So we talk about faces a lot, (ummm… I talk, she interacts) and I touch her nose and say “nariz” and then touch mine or someone else’s or the nose on a statue or a painting. We do it with eyes and ears and mouths and ears too. But the nose issue has been coming up in an interesting way. She has traditionally smiled and laughed when I touched her nose and then other noses. Then the other night in a restaurant, I saw her with her finger right up her nostril. I said “no, sucio!” and she looked genuinely surprised and startled. After all.. I had been touching her nose for fun, and she was just exploring further. And I encourage exploration. It must have been confusing. So she went for the nostril again, and I said no again. Hmmm… She thought about it for a few seconds, and put her finger on the side of her nose, next to the nostril, and looked at me to see if that was ok. I kind of felt neutral aobut it, so I didn’t really react. She went up the nostril again, and got a no. Hmmm… She was clearly confused. She then touched the tip of her nose, and then reached out to touch the tip of my nose. “Nariz!” I exclaimed. And then “nose!” Hmmmm. I watched her little brain working... trying to figure this out. Up the nostril again? “No.” The side of the nose? No response from me other than a steady gaze. The tip of hers. I touched the tip of mine. She smiled. The nostril again? “No.”
Testing limits. Literally. It was clear that this particular limit was confusing, and I guess my “touch the nose” game, which she enjoyed a lot, made it more confusing.
Since the original incident in the restaurant, whenever I try now to touch her nose, she shakes her head “no.” I don’t know if this “no” is saying she doesn’t want to play the game, or if this “no” is saying the game is too confusing, or if this “no” is just expressing her power of “no” since I had clearly expressed my power of “no” by not allowing her to put her finger up her nostril, so she is saying "no," I may not touch her nose.
We are both trying to figure the whole thing out together. But I am really lucky to have a receptive learner, with an active curiosity, and a willingness to experiment. There will be many more limits to test as the days and weeks and years go by. I hope that I can be clear, and not confusing. I hope that I can keep finding more reasons to say “yes” instead of “no.” And I hope as her cognitive skills develop, I have good reasons for every “no” and that I never give a “no” without reason.
My major effort has gone into creating environments for Liana with minimal reasons to say “no.” She understands “no” and she responds to it. But I like saying “eso!” and “yeah!” and “mas!” much more. The positive reinforcement is much more my style. I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “testing limits” which is, of course, what a little toddler brain wants to do all the time. I am fascinated by watching Liana “test” and see what is ok, and what isn’t.
Liana is fascinated with faces, which is very age appropriate. So we talk about faces a lot, (ummm… I talk, she interacts) and I touch her nose and say “nariz” and then touch mine or someone else’s or the nose on a statue or a painting. We do it with eyes and ears and mouths and ears too. But the nose issue has been coming up in an interesting way. She has traditionally smiled and laughed when I touched her nose and then other noses. Then the other night in a restaurant, I saw her with her finger right up her nostril. I said “no, sucio!” and she looked genuinely surprised and startled. After all.. I had been touching her nose for fun, and she was just exploring further. And I encourage exploration. It must have been confusing. So she went for the nostril again, and I said no again. Hmmm… She thought about it for a few seconds, and put her finger on the side of her nose, next to the nostril, and looked at me to see if that was ok. I kind of felt neutral aobut it, so I didn’t really react. She went up the nostril again, and got a no. Hmmm… She was clearly confused. She then touched the tip of her nose, and then reached out to touch the tip of my nose. “Nariz!” I exclaimed. And then “nose!” Hmmmm. I watched her little brain working... trying to figure this out. Up the nostril again? “No.” The side of the nose? No response from me other than a steady gaze. The tip of hers. I touched the tip of mine. She smiled. The nostril again? “No.”
Testing limits. Literally. It was clear that this particular limit was confusing, and I guess my “touch the nose” game, which she enjoyed a lot, made it more confusing.
Since the original incident in the restaurant, whenever I try now to touch her nose, she shakes her head “no.” I don’t know if this “no” is saying she doesn’t want to play the game, or if this “no” is saying the game is too confusing, or if this “no” is just expressing her power of “no” since I had clearly expressed my power of “no” by not allowing her to put her finger up her nostril, so she is saying "no," I may not touch her nose.
We are both trying to figure the whole thing out together. But I am really lucky to have a receptive learner, with an active curiosity, and a willingness to experiment. There will be many more limits to test as the days and weeks and years go by. I hope that I can be clear, and not confusing. I hope that I can keep finding more reasons to say “yes” instead of “no.” And I hope as her cognitive skills develop, I have good reasons for every “no” and that I never give a “no” without reason.
