First doctor's visit yesterday. Liana did wonderfully. Mom was a wreck. The doctor, who is a specialist in international adoptions and problems common to adopted children, said that Liana was healthy (pending a few more tests of course), doing extremely well developmentally. She went on to say that Liana is "hyper-vigilant" but not obsessive/compulsive. I had never heard the term hyper-vigilant, but I think it is an accurate assessment. Her pre-sleep rituals (close all door, drawers, windows, etc.), the way she notices and is somewhat obsessed with something new in a room, the way that she fights sleep, etc. The doctor said that this is not uncommon in adopted children, especially those who were previously in a structured foster care situation, and then suffered the loss of the foster family. She continues to fear loss, and as a result is, well, hyper-vigilant.

The appointment was followed by Liana's first subway ride home after the doctor. She loved it! I still don't have the system down. I knew that the entrance had an elevator, but I went through the wrong door and had strangers holding the stroller on the escalator while I held Liana. But it was really a milestone. We've been running around in taxis, which we can do whenever we need to. But it is good to know that the train is do-able. The 74th street stop, junction of the E, F, R, G, V and 7 trains, has an elevator. The 82nd street stop, which is closer to home, does not have an elevator. So I'll be using the 74th street station for a while.

The buses are do-able too. However, I will have to have the stroller folded and over my shoulder to get on the bus. The stroller (everyone told me to get the McClaren!) weighs 11 pounds, and supposedly can be folded with one hand. I can't fold it at all without assistance, but in time I'll have all of my systems down. By the summer I am sure that Liana will be able to walk up and down the bus steps while holding my hand, and step onto the escalators while holding my hand, and I'll be able to toss the 11 pound stroller over my shoulder and we'll be off!

In other news, we are starting daycare on Monday. I'm a wreck. We are just doing three short days a week to start. After looking at a gazillion places with lots of different options, I decided on a small, in-home licensed day care in the neighborhood. We are going to try it out, and see how it goes. The woman speaks Spanish with the kids, and is a sort of grandmotherly type. Liana adored her immediately. They danced cumbia, which of course was a hit. The living room is set up all for daycare... with little tables and little chairs and lots of toys. She takes care of two 2-year olds and a 4-year old. The ages of the kids are very similar to the ages of the kids in Liana's foster care, so I hope she feels comfortable. I told the woman about the problems with Liana and sleep, and she sniffed. She has little hammock/cots for the kids. She says she feeds them lunch, leads them in, dims the light, tucks them in and they sleep. Period. Liana worships older kids, so I am hoping when she sees them sleeping she will sleep.

Wish me luck. And calm. And eventually, sleep for all!

Well my new favorite weekly event is toddler happy hour at Novo!!

What fun!

Parents and toddlers and great drinks and yummy food and a plush yet comfortable environment! Who could ask for more? At peak time, there were certainly more than a dozen toddlers and at least 20 parents. A great mess is made, but the staff take it all in stride.

Haven't taken Liana out to a bar at night since we got to NY. (Haha. Orinal blog readers will know all about taking Liana to the lounge bar in the Marriott and off to live Marimba events in Antigua) But now it looks like we have a weekly event! And I really like Novo. And since they are so very friendly to kids, (Liana and Linda and I went there a couple of weeks ago and Liana threw a plate and broke it and they were very nice) I might even try going there on one of the nights that they have live music. Been meaning to try out live music nights at Natives too. They say they are kid friendly.

But toddler happy hour is a kick! Liana, when alone with me, is needy. She must be held and entertained and played with. In a crowd, however, the kid is a regular social butterfly. She can wander socially from table to table, doing the toddler equivalent of small talk. Or she can coyly hold her drink (pineapple juice in a sippy cup) and watch the activities from a seat or corner. No one could believe she had only been in the country a month. She looked like she attended affairs like this all the time. And on a certain level, I guess she did! She lived in busy foster home with lots of kids and extended family wandering in and out all the time.

We woke up this morning, and the first thing Liana said was "You know mom, we've lived in NY a month already, and you've never even taken me to Times Square. I mean, kids from Minnesota come to NY for three days and get to go to Times Square. So what's up mom?

Well, maybe she didn't say it quite like that.

Actually, Liana doesn't really talk much at all. But I'm pretty sure that is what she would have said to me this morning if she could talk.

So off we went to the Times Square Toys R Us.

The ferris wheel was kind of odd and intimidating. Actually the shelves were the best part. She picked out another really ugly doll. This one says mama and makes different faces. I also got her an aquadoodle, and some refrigerator magnets and diaper bags. Mostly we went because we are always in search of indoor activities that are warm and entertaining.

Liana is on the move, and exploration is the name of the game.

Mommy is exploring too.

Exploring day care/nursery school/nanny/babysitter is much more complex than I imagined. The options are much more limited than I thought. I had really been sort of imagining nanny/babysitter as the option that would be easiest on Liana. But that was before I went to Guatemala. Liana is really a people person. She LOVES being around kids. After a playdate, or our Music Together class, her spirits are high. She sleeps with relative ease. And she is just calmer.

So now I'm thinking it would really be better to do a nursery school/daycare. But most decent places, at least the ones right here in the neighborhood, seem to be for kids two years and up.

At first I thought I was going to do a hybrid, mixing some formal group time with a babysitter on some days or for half days. But of course schools have their rules and schedules. Babysitters have their needs. And quite frankly, Liana demands hands on attention every waking hour. So basically I need a babysitter to find a babysitter.

Moms at play areas that we have visited, (Hall of Science, downstairs in Queens Mall, Travis Par on the couple of days that were warm enough to go there) have commented that Liana is "very active" and has "lots of energy." I've noticed that other kids seem to stop sometimes. Liana never stops. Never. Except when she is sleeping. Which as my loyal readers know, is a constant issue for us.

My dad loved movies. And he loved food. And he loved creating rituals around movies and food.

When my parents were first dating, apparently, he created “theme” dates. They would go see an Italian movie, and then eat Italian food. French movie, French food. Sometimes they were really broke, and didn’t have enough for dinner AND a movie, so they might see a movie about Germany, and then drink a German beer.

I’ve written on this blog a bit about the fun that I used to have with my dad at animated movies as a little girl. In later years he had an extraordinarily large collection of movies on tape… first the Betas, then the VHS’s. Thousands and thousands of movies. Before that, he would bring projectors home from the college library, and set up a screen and movies in the living room. He loved almost everything. Odd, artsy, intellectual movies, of course. Movies with a political theme, of course. Animation and cartoons, as I’ve told you about earlier. Sci fi. Drama. Comedies. What he used to call B-movies. Hit movies. Old movies. Movies that everyone else hated.

He really loved movies.

And food.

One of my fondest memories of my dad was our “crab” ritual. We did it two or three times a year. He and I both love steamed crabs. He likes the bodies best. I like the legs and claws the best. So we made the perfect team. He ate the bodies. I ate the legs and claws.

So a few times a year my dad would buy two or three dozen crab, (yes, that is 23-36 crab!), depending on the size, and steam them in red peppers and beer. Then we would select a triple feature. Yes, three movies. Grouped thematically. The Alien trilogy was always a good bet, which we did at least once a year, as was the Godfather trilogy, which mom liked much more than Alien. Sometimes we grouped things according to theme, like a sacrilegious trilogy, consisting of Jesus Christ Superstar, The Last Temptation of Christ, and I don’t even know. Something else. Or a “retrospective of the decades of my parents’ lives” trilogy, consisting of Forrest Gump, This Time Next Year, and I don’t know… something else.

And then we would spread newspaper all over the coffee table, get out nutcrackers and bowls to put the shells in, open up a nice bottle of dark beer each, and sit and eat crab and drink beer and watch a triple feature. Literally for hours and hours and hours. Eating crab out of the shell is a lot of work, and it takes quite a while to get a lot of food. My mom would eat one or two crab, scold us if we got messy, and try and make us eat salad and vegetables of some sort along with the crab ritual. The whole event was not her thing. But she liked that it was something that my dad and I did together.

Last night Liana and I had our third “Pizza Party.” I ordered up pizza, put the high chair in the living room, and put on a movie that we both enjoy. Two of our three Pizza Parties have included guests. Which is nice.

But this is our first food/movie ritual.

I hope to create many rituals/traditions to share together. This is one of the first.

Is it spring yet?

I am so so so tired of wrapping the kid up in layers of cloth and plastic and heading out on the street to run errands. And she is not delighted about being on the other side of plastic. Hats, as we have previously discussed, are not an option. Mittens? Surely you jest.

But we do love to go out. And mom and Liana are starting to go a little stir crazy. We've done trips to the Hall of Science, which is lots of fun. Trips to the mall, to run around in the warmth. And lots and lots of trips running around the neighborhood in the cold.

When we enter a store, Liana wants the plastic off. Now. Now. Take it off NOW. Then there is always a bit of a struggle to bundle her back up when we go outside. I left the plastic on the other day because I just needed to grab one item at the pharmacy and run out, and she was fussing and a man scolded me and explained that she was getting overheated.

Is it at least almost Spring?

Today, for the second time, I was approached by someone who knew Liana. From this blog!!!! How funny is that? I have a Jackson Heights readership!

**Waves to all of my neighbors**

You know, a year ago I was spending my evenings gazing fondly at pictures of the beautiful

little girl who would become my daughter. She looked so bright and alert and I was fighting so hard not to fall in love with the pictures. That fight was a losing battle.

I was trying to protect myself emotionally. A lot of things can go wrong in any adoption. I had done my research, and I knew that Guatemalan adoptions could be full of negative surprises, like the horrors faced by the families on Dateline NBC the other night. I was confidant that I had picked a solid agency. I knew that kidnapped children and scamming facilitators, like those featured on Dateline the other night, were sometimes realities. I knew that more often, however, birthmothers, who are required to sign off on the adoption 4 times, change their minds. I know quite a few families who had fallen in love with a picture, only to find out that the child they had grown to love would not become a member of that family. I also knew that on the forums that I frequent, at least once a month a prospective adoptive family reports that the child they had fallen in love with had died.

One in five children born in Guatemala dies before reaching his/her fifth birthday. Kids waiting to be adopted probably have a better chance. The prospective adoptive families are paying, (through the attorney fees), for clean water and baby formula and regular medical care. And emergency medical care.

Last year at this time, I was trying not to fall in love with these beautiful pictures. And I was waiting for the medical information on this beautiful baby. And waiting. And waiting. And calling and following up and wondering why I was not getting the medical information.

I did not know it, but this time last year Liana was in the hospital with rotovirus. Lots of babies in Guatemala die of rotovirus. Liana was in the hospital for three nights. She was hooked up to an IV. Ultimately, her hospital bills were paid by my fees. But no one told me about her hospitalization until almost a year later, when her foster family (the wonderful people who cared for her the first 13 months of her life) told me this story.

So yeah, this time last year I was falling in love with these photos. Liana was in the hospital. But our story has a happy ending.

Actually, a happy beginning.

Is there anything more beautiful than a sleeping baby?

Nap time is mommy time. Well, sort of. Time to do fun things like empty the dishwasher, read my mail, and of course,

play on the computer!

Today I also put together a little keyboard that I bought for the princess. Well, almost put it together. I need a screwdriver to open the place where I have to put the batteries. *Sigh*

As soon as the princess wakes up, (which will be very very soon!) we have a playdate! Wish us fun.

I believe that future generations will ponder, and ask many important social, political and philosophical questions about our era. Did anyone in the administration ever believe that they were really looking for weapons of mass destruction? What are the long-term social benefits of corporate welfare? Does the electoral college best represent the concept of "democracy?" And perhaps, most importantly, "How did people engage in parenting activities before YouTube?"

I mean, when I need to motivate Liana to take a bath, I find some vintage Sesame Street videos of "Rubber Duckie" and we all sing along, clutching our own beloved rubber duckie. While mommy is preparing dinner and has Liana trapped in her high chair and securely out of trouble, what could be more fun that watching a bunch of videos of ABC songs? Madonna sings "The Wheels on the Bus?" Who knew? And it is even Liana's favorite version of that piece, after having listened to at least a dozen variations on YouTube. Time to try and get mellow as dinner is coming to an end and bedtime is approaching? How about some videos of dolphins! Liana loves vidoes of dolphins. And kittens. We love videos of kittens doing naughty things.

TV shows are way too long. Even Blue's Clues (which I love) and Dora and whatnot. But most YouTube segments seem to be about 3 minutes. And Liana loves to watch her favorites over and over again. Liana loves watching videos of Antigua, Guatemala, where she and I lived for two months. She gets all excited when the horses appear, but most of all she bounces enthusiastically whenever any Marimba appears in a video of Guatemala. Now I have to tell you, given the wild nightlife of Antigua, an evening of live Marimba, (and a glass of wine for mommy!) was great. But if I were to go the rest of my life without hearing Marimba again, I would not feel that I had missed out on anything. If it were not for Marimba appearing over and over again on YouTube videos of Guatemala, I would have completely forgotten how excited she gets by Marimba, and honestly, Marimba would not have continued to be a part of our lives.

So how did parents do it before YouTube?

Sleeptime continues to offer a little high drama. I'm working hard on the routine stuff. At this point night time sleep rituals consist of getting into our pj's, brushing our teeth, picking out a book, going to mommy's bed with bottle and book in hand, carefully and obsessively closing all doors and drawers and window blinds and whatnot, (this is Liana's obsession, not mine), reading the book, helping mommy turn off the light, drinking bottle (yeah, I know that bottle in bed is almost considered child abuse in this country, but Liana has been going to be with a bottle since birth, and given our sleep drama, I'm not going to fight that battle now), and then we wait. Sometimes, the wonderful times, she is asleep after 15 minutes of cuddling. Normally more like 45 minutes. Sometimes two hours.

Really.

Oh. And I cannot leave the room. If I get up, she screams wildly.

I know that most of us, myself included, were left in our cribs to cry it out. Liana never slept in a crib, which futher complicates stuff. She slept with her foster mom, and now she sleeps with me. Some day, I hope, she will sleep in her wonderful toddler bed. With adopted kids, there is a whole school of thought about the cry-it-out method. Basically, a child who feels as if she has been abandoned, first by her birth mom, then by her foster mom, is in fear of being abandoned again. Therefore, it is important to make the child feel safe. Leaving her screaming in bed will make her feel that she has been abandoned again.

**Sigh**

Bathtime, however, has greatly improved. Here is proof of the little princess waiting for bathtime.

I've got to tell you what a funny kid Liana is. And what an excellent problem solver!!! Liana is not really good at shapes. So one of my shower presents was a "requested" shape sorter. You know, the plastic thing you put over the top of a box, with a hole that fits a circle and a hole that fits a square and a hole that fits a star, etc., etc.

So Liana and I sat on the floor with the little plastic shaped pieces. She took a circle, and tried to fit it in the square. I watched, and allowed her to explore. She was starting to get frustrated, so I directed her to the circle, and she dropped it in successfully. I gave her another circle, and she put it in the circle hole immediately. Then she picked up a triangle and tried to put it in the circle hole. She moved it around and tried different angles and started getting frustrated. I directed her to the hole for the triangle. She had to move it around a bit, but it fit, and went in. Then she picked up a square, and tried to put it in the circle hole. That clearly didn't work. Then she tried the triangle hole. She shifted it and moved it and it still didn't fit.

So she lifted the plastic sorter off the top of the box, put all the circles and squares and triangles and stars directly into the box, and the put the sorter back on top.

Ummm. I guess if the goal was to put the shaped items in the box, that was a much better solution to the problem, huh?

Liana and I enrolled in a "Music Together" class this morning, and it was LOTS OF FUN!!! I had been looking for something to build on Liana's clear passion for music, and I stumbled across this course on the Jackson Heights forum. And it is literally half a block from home, at the United Methodist Church. (For those of you who don't know, this church is the place where the game Scrabble was created!!!!)

The whole thing was such a new and foreign experience for me that much of it is a blur. We arrived in our stroller, all bundled up. Others kids in strollers were arriving while others were leaving. We had to park the strollers downstairs, and the walk up. Lots of moms and a few dads and grandparents and friends were there with the kids, whose age ranged from I think 9 months to almost 3 years. So it was perfect for Liana. The teacher was exceptionally welcoming and dynamic and funny and fun. We experimented with rhythm and later tone and pitch. We moved around a lot, and even got to play with some instruments. Liana enjoyed the activities for the most part, but towards the end of the hour she was starting to feel insecure and was pointing towards the door. But she clearly enjoyed seeing the other kids, and very much enjoyed the music.

Now I need to find something like this, which is age appropriate, to nurture her interest in the visual arts! Readers? I'm open to suggestions!!!!!