Well tomorrow is the big day! We are off to the Guatemala City Westin/Camino Real, where we will spend the next couple of nights. Tomorrow morning we have our appointment at the US Embassy at 7:15 AM!!!! We should get our visa the following afternoon.

We will be back in Antigua on Wednesday night or Thursday.

Guatemala is a land of volcanoes. Well, at least the center of the country. The Peten is a different landscape all together, with lush lowland jungles. But much of the Guatemalan landscape is dominated by towering volcanoes. Antigua’s avenues sit at the base of the majestic Agua volcano, which dominates the southern horizon of the city. It is the nearby Fuego volcano, however, that captures most of the limelight. Fuego, (fire, in Spanish) spits out smoke and ash on a daily basis it seems, and I think I was told that its famous red flames and lava are seasonal. I have only seen the smoke. Sometimes we sit on the balcony overlooking the courtyard, and watch the smoke come out of the volcano. I’m spending more time on the balcony these days, since Liana has mastered the art of climbing up the stairs. She can’t get down, and thankfully does not yet even try. But she loves going up.

Now this whole walking thing is starting to feel absurd. The kid can walk. She can balance herself, without holding on to anything, if she is doing something fun, like dancing or playing with a toy or drinking her bottle while watching something interesting. And she can walk sideways around tables and benches and couches. She can walk pushing her stroller. But as soon as I try to push her to walk without holding onto anything, she is down on her hands and knees, crawling like a little crab.

I think that today, December 15, 2007, is the 20th anniversary of the death of my beautiful grandmother Celia Carnahan Burgio, my mother’s mother.

My mother always remembered the anniversary of everyone’s death. I always scolded her, and told her that was morbid. On the other hand, I don’t even remember anyone’s birthday. But I remember my grandma’s death because I had to travel to Buffalo from Mexico, just as the holiday craziness had started, in order to attend her funeral. It took days of sleeping in airports and being on standby flights. Prior to her death, I had spent every Christmas of my life at my grandma’s house.

Before this year, I had spent every Christmas of my life with my mom. Somewhere. In recent years she opted for warm, tropical locations, after a lifetime of Christmas’s in Buffalo. I guess I started thinking about my grandma’s death today because I know if my mom were alive, she would have made a big fuss about it, and I would have told her she was being foolish.

My mom died April 6, 2007. It was Good Friday. My dad died the Wednesday before Easter in 2004. Holy Week/Spring Break, whatever one calls it, will always be a haunting time for me.

Well dammit. All of the Christian holidays, (which are, after all, the predominant ones) have associations with death or people I love.

I miss you grandma. There is no one I associate with Christmas more than you, and I always feel you this time of year. Not your death, but your life. Your joy. Your festive nature. I still hear almost every almost every Christmas carol in your voice, no matter who is singing it.
I promise that I will take a little time to celebrate your life, and try to forget that I even remembered this anniversary of your death.

Liana does this thing like the lady with the fan, or with a handkerchief. She holds an item... a bottle, a toy, sometimes even a symbolic cloth napkin, and very intentionally drops it. She does this very often in public... restaurant high chairs are big, as is her stroller. She then waits for someone to retrieve this item for her. Sometimes she looks mournfully towards the floor, gazing at the lost item. Sometimes she has already picked out her victim... the person who is meant to retrieve the item, and she gazes steadily into the individual's eyes until he or she bends over to pick the item up and then hand it back to her. Who can resist such an innocent, adorable little baby, who has just lost her beloved .... whatever?

The first stage of the process never fails. Someone bends over to retrieve the item and give it to Liana. If that person then stands back up and continues a conversation or picks up a fork to take another bite or continues waitressing or does anything other than google and play with Liana, the item is back on the floor immediately. The second stage of the pr0cess, of course, is that the person is expected to play or tickle or otherwise engage Liana, probably using the very item that was just retrieved from the floor.

Mom has a new rule. If Liana throws an item on the floor, the item goes in mom's bag. Period.

Enforcing this rule in public, however, is harder than you think. Mom bends over to retrieve item, avoiding contact with said princess, who is holding out her hands in anticipation of receipt of item. Mom then swiftly tucks item out of sight. Several things can happen at this point. Perhaps Liana's sad sad injured pout takes over. Or worse yet, the full-blown faux tantrum. Things become even more complicated if some kind soul beats mom to the floor to retrieve the item. That kind soul is certain that the item should be placed back in the hands of the precious innocent child, who is so clearly waiting to receive it. When the mean nasty gringa lady intercepts and tries to take the toy away, well, clearly she is nothing if not mean.

So lately I've allowed strangers to hand Liana an item once. I then explain that this is a game, and that it was not dropped by accident. Many strangers look suspiciously at my cynicism, but if they were really listening to me and not going goo goo with the princess, the item in question is probably already back on the floor, and my point is made.

Yeah. The kid is smart. And she also has excellent fine motor skills. And being with her is never ever boring.

It is snowing in NY. Another beautiful day in paradise here in Antigua. Well. Sort of.

We are almost done. This long long adoption process is almost over. But there is still enough drama to deplete my energy. The new procedure of emailing the Pink appointment should not be such a big deal. But enclosed in the appointment materials are instructions to bring all sorts of documents with us that... ummmm... we don't have. I spoke with my attorney's assistant, who said not to worry, and to talk with my attorney. I spoke with my driver/agency assistant who will be accompanying me to my appointment, and he said that I don't need certain documents that the email says I need. I spoke with my attorney, who said I needed to go to the USCIS website and download the documents myself. So I hired a nanny and went to an internet cafe with a printer, and tried to download documents, I-600, DS-230 and I-864-W. Got error messages on two of the three. Came back to the apartment and called my facilitator in Texas, who said that I should not need an I-600 since I submitted an I-600 A and that she had never heard of the DS-230, and that my driver/agency assistant will help me fill out the I-864-W. Ok. Glad I gave myself some time after the appointment, just in case things don't go as they should.

And then I look at Liana. I am so lucky. She is so wonderful. I cannot even imagine a time in my life without her. It is like she has always been with me. She is so beautiful.

I need to stop telling her how beautiful she is, because she is really smart, and smart is so much more important.

¿En perseguirme, Mundo, qué interesas?

¿En qué te ofendo cuando sólo intento

poner bellezas en mi entendimiento

y no mi entendimiento en las bellezas?

Yo no estimo tesoros ni riquezas.

y así, siempre me causa más contento

poner riquezas en mi pensamientoque

no mi pensamiento en las riquezas.

Sor Juana Inez de la Cruz circa 1680

Ok. Reality check done. Values in place.

Two weeks from right now Liana and I will be on a plane heading home. I hope she will be fast asleep. Hope I’ll be asleep too, for that matter.

After we face immigration and baggage claim (with way too many bags) followed by customs, and then go outside at what will be close to 3:00 AM in the freezing cold, we’ll hop in a cab and head home.

I don’t know how I’ll get all the luggage and the sleepy, most likely clingy and cranky little girl up the elevator and through the door to our home, but I know when I get there I’ll have an incredulous cat waiting in the wings. I have left him for extended periods before, but never this long. I know what his response will be. He will expect me to accompany him on an inspection of his food and water dishes, to ensure that each are properly filled. I will then be expected to rub his belly. He will then lead me on a tour of his litter box, to ensure that it also, is up to his standards. But I’m going to have a tired and confused and scared and clingy little girl with me, who is fascinated by animals at a distance (and on TV) but who gets really scared when she gets up close to one.

You two are going to have to learn to get along and love each other as much as I love both of you. It is going to be stressful. But we are family now.

Liana's mood is much better today, in spite of the fact that sharp, pointy teeth continue to push their way through all different corners of her mouth. And she won't let me near enough to see what is going on in there! She hates to have her face (or hands) washed, and she does not like anyone poking at her mouth. She will, however, stick out her tongue. And blow raspberries. :)

I did not tell you about our big celebratory dinner in honor of our embassy appointment. I had found out about a Japanese restaurant in town, and those of you who know me may be aware that I have been going through great withdrawal of tofu and miso and tamari and stuff like that. So Liana and I trekked all the way to the other side of Antigua to get mom her tofu.

Sadly, the restaurant did not start serving until 6:30, and it was just after 5 when we arrived, (Liana and I have a pretty wild nightlife here) so I decided that we would dine (at this inappropriate hour) at the Hotel Santo Domingo.

Had an amazing ravioli, stuffed with corn and local cheese, in a green herb sauce, that Liana and I both loved, followed by an amazing white chocolate mousse. Now regular readers already know that Liana and I LOVE the bar at the Hotel Santo Domingo because they have low tables and a squishy rug, and there is simply NOWHERE else in Antigua that is quite that much fun to practice walking. Every trip to the Santo Domingo bar results in increased walking skills. Now we had only been there during the day, and only for hot chocolate, so going to an actual bar at night for a glass of wine seemed like a special treat for mom!

Because Liana has been having a bit of diarrhea, (everyone says it is related to the teething) I had come out prepared with an extra pair of pants in case we had an accident in public. Which we did. The very moment mom's glass of wine arrived. So I reached into my well-prepared diaper bag, and pulled out the wipes and the cream and the powder and the changing pad and the extra pants... ummmmm.... but I did not have a diaper!!! How was this possible. A quick check with hotel staff indicated there was no store that sold diapers on site.

So I toook a quick sip of wine, asked for the check, which took a while, and tossed a confused Liana into her stroller. She kept pointing at her offensive diaper, which I seemed to be refusing to assist her with, and she was really not pleased that we had just arrived at such a fun spot to play, and suddenly I was packing her up and taking her away. I was clearly in that abusive/negligent mommy mode as far as she was concerned.

We then got assistance going down all of the various steps leading to the front door, and let me tell you... the little girl stunk. Meanwhile, she was taking off her shoes and socks, which is what she does when she is bored or irritated or looking for attention, and throwing them on the floor. AT the front door, the doorman attempted to get us a taxi or tuc tuc, and it took FOREVER. Finally, we jammed into our tuc tuc and headed home.

The next morning, the fabulous pink shoes were nowhere to be found. Oh well. They got lost somehow in the scramble to get my little girl out of her nasty diaper.

I would also like to note that we zoomed through the courtyard so fast once we got home, that my neighbor Rose became concerned as the evening went on, because she was used to hearing us make noise in the courtyard when we get home in the evening. So she started thinking about us going all the way to the other end of town and not coming back, and came and pressed her ear against the door, and heard that we were in fact home. Now how sweet is that?

Well it has been pretty tough to coax a smile out of Liana on this festive day. She has teeth coming in from every direction.. new bottom teeth, big nasty molars, and who knows what else. She is miserable. Her teeth hurt. Eating is tough. She chews her food, and the just holds it in her mouth and spits it out. So she is hungry. Soar and hungry. And all around cranky.

I gave her infant tylenol, and tried to rub oragel. She HATES oragel. And she was quite angry at me for trying to apply it to her sensative little mouth.

But in spite of the crankiness, I joined the other moms in dressing the kids up and joining in the festivities. And ultimately, a good time was had by all.

So tomorrow is Virgin of Guadalupe Day, which is celebrated here in Guatemala. For those of you who are not up on your various virgins, this is the one who appeared to Juan Diego (hey out there... correct me if I am wrong) in Mexico during the process of converting the local population to Catholicism. Juan Diego was an indigenous Mexican, and the virgin appeared to him with dark skin, just like his, and dressed as an Aztec princess, speaking in Nahuatl. She left her impression on a piece of cloth, with instructions to build a shrine to her on the spot where she appeared. The cloth is enshrined in Mexico City, and many people travel to visit it, often on their knees, to offer homage.

I went to see it many years ago, and I remember waiting in line quite a while, next to people whose journey had been much more arduous than my metro ride, and then as we got near the cloth, a conveyor belt sped us past the image, so that no one would spend too much time lingering. I know that friends of mine in Mexico described journeys that members of their families had made, on their knees, bleeding, to ask a certain favor of the virgin. One friend told me that she had been very sick as a child, and her father made this journey many miles to save her life.

If I remember, Mexicans do a big mass in honor of the event. Susana, don't you take your family to church at 5 AM or something like that?

Here in Guatemala, the holiday is marked by dressing all children up in indigenous clothing. Given how poorly the indigenous population is treated here, it is a little odd. In Mexico there is a saying... something like "so proud of our indigenous past, so ashamed of our indigenous present," and it seems that Guatemala could say the same. Is that an old saying? Why do I think that it was Carlos Fuentes. Again, smart readers out there, correct me if I am wrong.

But quite a few people have asked if I plan to dress Liana up for the children's parade, and so I went out yesterday and got her yet another outfit. Here she is trying on some clothes at the market! I think I ended up buying a different top. I'll try and take lots of photos of the events tomorrow!

If I may change the topic abruptly.... you might hear in the news that the Guatemalan Congress has passed a new adoption law, which creates a centralized bureaucracy to administer all adoptions. Sadly, I fear that Guatemala lacks the infrastructure to care for the children who are orphaned or abandoned or who have parents unable to care for them. Please remember that this does not effect my case. According to Guatemalan law, Liana is mine. I will keep you updated as I hear more about this law, and how it will effect other families and most of all, the kids.

Watch out NY, because the senorita Liana Della Williams will be hitting the streets of Jackson Heights some time late in the day on December 28. Expect her to be cold and disoriented, having arrived at JFK airport at 2:00 AM. But she will be gorgeous, as always!

Pink!

Pink!

Pink!

Yipeee!!!! Our embassy appointment is 12/18 at 7:15 AM!!!!! Irene, I bet you want to come meet me just to go to the appointment, don't you?

Our visa appointment is 12/19 at 3:30.

Liana is coming home!

I think that Liana has a secret life. I suspect that she sneaks out at night while I am asleep, and runs around Antigua making friends.

There is no other way to explain why whenever we walk in or out of a store or a restaurant, people start waving “hola Liana!” and “como estas Liana?” and when we leave, people who really look like complete strangers to me say “adios Liana!” Even when we are walking down the street, people greet her by name.

Her foster family was very impressed that she was so “famous” in Antigua. Yeah, I guess we are a rather conspicuous duo. And the fact that she does wave to people, especially people who are working, (like the construction workers we pass every day on our street) and she has been known to blow kisses as she passes people, contributes to the fact that people do remember her.

And of course the fact that she happens to be the most beautiful human being every to grace planet earth might be a factor as well. Ummm. Well…. At least in my opinion she is the most gorgeous human being to set foot upon the planet. But maybe I’m just a little bit biased here.

On the topic of putting one's foot on planet earth... look ma! No hands!!!