Two weeks from right now Liana and I will be on a plane heading home. I hope she will be fast asleep. Hope I’ll be asleep too, for that matter.

After we face immigration and baggage claim (with way too many bags) followed by customs, and then go outside at what will be close to 3:00 AM in the freezing cold, we’ll hop in a cab and head home.

I don’t know how I’ll get all the luggage and the sleepy, most likely clingy and cranky little girl up the elevator and through the door to our home, but I know when I get there I’ll have an incredulous cat waiting in the wings. I have left him for extended periods before, but never this long. I know what his response will be. He will expect me to accompany him on an inspection of his food and water dishes, to ensure that each are properly filled. I will then be expected to rub his belly. He will then lead me on a tour of his litter box, to ensure that it also, is up to his standards. But I’m going to have a tired and confused and scared and clingy little girl with me, who is fascinated by animals at a distance (and on TV) but who gets really scared when she gets up close to one.

You two are going to have to learn to get along and love each other as much as I love both of you. It is going to be stressful. But we are family now.

Liana's mood is much better today, in spite of the fact that sharp, pointy teeth continue to push their way through all different corners of her mouth. And she won't let me near enough to see what is going on in there! She hates to have her face (or hands) washed, and she does not like anyone poking at her mouth. She will, however, stick out her tongue. And blow raspberries. :)

I did not tell you about our big celebratory dinner in honor of our embassy appointment. I had found out about a Japanese restaurant in town, and those of you who know me may be aware that I have been going through great withdrawal of tofu and miso and tamari and stuff like that. So Liana and I trekked all the way to the other side of Antigua to get mom her tofu.

Sadly, the restaurant did not start serving until 6:30, and it was just after 5 when we arrived, (Liana and I have a pretty wild nightlife here) so I decided that we would dine (at this inappropriate hour) at the Hotel Santo Domingo.

Had an amazing ravioli, stuffed with corn and local cheese, in a green herb sauce, that Liana and I both loved, followed by an amazing white chocolate mousse. Now regular readers already know that Liana and I LOVE the bar at the Hotel Santo Domingo because they have low tables and a squishy rug, and there is simply NOWHERE else in Antigua that is quite that much fun to practice walking. Every trip to the Santo Domingo bar results in increased walking skills. Now we had only been there during the day, and only for hot chocolate, so going to an actual bar at night for a glass of wine seemed like a special treat for mom!

Because Liana has been having a bit of diarrhea, (everyone says it is related to the teething) I had come out prepared with an extra pair of pants in case we had an accident in public. Which we did. The very moment mom's glass of wine arrived. So I reached into my well-prepared diaper bag, and pulled out the wipes and the cream and the powder and the changing pad and the extra pants... ummmmm.... but I did not have a diaper!!! How was this possible. A quick check with hotel staff indicated there was no store that sold diapers on site.

So I toook a quick sip of wine, asked for the check, which took a while, and tossed a confused Liana into her stroller. She kept pointing at her offensive diaper, which I seemed to be refusing to assist her with, and she was really not pleased that we had just arrived at such a fun spot to play, and suddenly I was packing her up and taking her away. I was clearly in that abusive/negligent mommy mode as far as she was concerned.

We then got assistance going down all of the various steps leading to the front door, and let me tell you... the little girl stunk. Meanwhile, she was taking off her shoes and socks, which is what she does when she is bored or irritated or looking for attention, and throwing them on the floor. AT the front door, the doorman attempted to get us a taxi or tuc tuc, and it took FOREVER. Finally, we jammed into our tuc tuc and headed home.

The next morning, the fabulous pink shoes were nowhere to be found. Oh well. They got lost somehow in the scramble to get my little girl out of her nasty diaper.

I would also like to note that we zoomed through the courtyard so fast once we got home, that my neighbor Rose became concerned as the evening went on, because she was used to hearing us make noise in the courtyard when we get home in the evening. So she started thinking about us going all the way to the other end of town and not coming back, and came and pressed her ear against the door, and heard that we were in fact home. Now how sweet is that?

Well it has been pretty tough to coax a smile out of Liana on this festive day. She has teeth coming in from every direction.. new bottom teeth, big nasty molars, and who knows what else. She is miserable. Her teeth hurt. Eating is tough. She chews her food, and the just holds it in her mouth and spits it out. So she is hungry. Soar and hungry. And all around cranky.

I gave her infant tylenol, and tried to rub oragel. She HATES oragel. And she was quite angry at me for trying to apply it to her sensative little mouth.

But in spite of the crankiness, I joined the other moms in dressing the kids up and joining in the festivities. And ultimately, a good time was had by all.

So tomorrow is Virgin of Guadalupe Day, which is celebrated here in Guatemala. For those of you who are not up on your various virgins, this is the one who appeared to Juan Diego (hey out there... correct me if I am wrong) in Mexico during the process of converting the local population to Catholicism. Juan Diego was an indigenous Mexican, and the virgin appeared to him with dark skin, just like his, and dressed as an Aztec princess, speaking in Nahuatl. She left her impression on a piece of cloth, with instructions to build a shrine to her on the spot where she appeared. The cloth is enshrined in Mexico City, and many people travel to visit it, often on their knees, to offer homage.

I went to see it many years ago, and I remember waiting in line quite a while, next to people whose journey had been much more arduous than my metro ride, and then as we got near the cloth, a conveyor belt sped us past the image, so that no one would spend too much time lingering. I know that friends of mine in Mexico described journeys that members of their families had made, on their knees, bleeding, to ask a certain favor of the virgin. One friend told me that she had been very sick as a child, and her father made this journey many miles to save her life.

If I remember, Mexicans do a big mass in honor of the event. Susana, don't you take your family to church at 5 AM or something like that?

Here in Guatemala, the holiday is marked by dressing all children up in indigenous clothing. Given how poorly the indigenous population is treated here, it is a little odd. In Mexico there is a saying... something like "so proud of our indigenous past, so ashamed of our indigenous present," and it seems that Guatemala could say the same. Is that an old saying? Why do I think that it was Carlos Fuentes. Again, smart readers out there, correct me if I am wrong.

But quite a few people have asked if I plan to dress Liana up for the children's parade, and so I went out yesterday and got her yet another outfit. Here she is trying on some clothes at the market! I think I ended up buying a different top. I'll try and take lots of photos of the events tomorrow!

If I may change the topic abruptly.... you might hear in the news that the Guatemalan Congress has passed a new adoption law, which creates a centralized bureaucracy to administer all adoptions. Sadly, I fear that Guatemala lacks the infrastructure to care for the children who are orphaned or abandoned or who have parents unable to care for them. Please remember that this does not effect my case. According to Guatemalan law, Liana is mine. I will keep you updated as I hear more about this law, and how it will effect other families and most of all, the kids.

Watch out NY, because the senorita Liana Della Williams will be hitting the streets of Jackson Heights some time late in the day on December 28. Expect her to be cold and disoriented, having arrived at JFK airport at 2:00 AM. But she will be gorgeous, as always!

Pink!

Pink!

Pink!

Yipeee!!!! Our embassy appointment is 12/18 at 7:15 AM!!!!! Irene, I bet you want to come meet me just to go to the appointment, don't you?

Our visa appointment is 12/19 at 3:30.

Liana is coming home!

I think that Liana has a secret life. I suspect that she sneaks out at night while I am asleep, and runs around Antigua making friends.

There is no other way to explain why whenever we walk in or out of a store or a restaurant, people start waving “hola Liana!” and “como estas Liana?” and when we leave, people who really look like complete strangers to me say “adios Liana!” Even when we are walking down the street, people greet her by name.

Her foster family was very impressed that she was so “famous” in Antigua. Yeah, I guess we are a rather conspicuous duo. And the fact that she does wave to people, especially people who are working, (like the construction workers we pass every day on our street) and she has been known to blow kisses as she passes people, contributes to the fact that people do remember her.

And of course the fact that she happens to be the most beautiful human being every to grace planet earth might be a factor as well. Ummm. Well…. At least in my opinion she is the most gorgeous human being to set foot upon the planet. But maybe I’m just a little bit biased here.

On the topic of putting one's foot on planet earth... look ma! No hands!!!

Well I’m glad I ignored the advise of everyone who said not to visit the foster family. We had a great day. They arrived with 4 kids, including granddaughter, niece, foster child, etc. We had a great breakfast, and then ran around the park, did a ½ horse carriage tour, (which the kids loved!) and then came to the apartments, where some residents had set up a little wading pool.

But more important than what we did was the love that was so clear. Liana spent the first year and one month of her life in the loving embrace of this wonderful extended family. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to offer a child so much love for a year, and then to just see her go. Later in the day, when we were all feeling comfortable with one another, the foster mom took Liana off for a bit of a private walk. I saw them on the other side of the park, and the senora was holding her and talking to her and cuddling her, and getting just a little bit of private time before having to give her away for forever… this child who she had so loved and nurtured.

We will see how Liana wakes up from her nap. She might have a bit of a regression. She might not. She went easily from arm to arm today, being passed around by adults and kids, and then easily back to me. Even if she has a little bit of a throw-back, it was still worth it to honor these wonderful people whose impact on Liana will always be there.

I am really glad I did this.

Oh what a day. I am so stressed out about not getting my Pink Appointment. I am taking Liana tomorrow (against the advise of lots of people) to hang out with her wonderful foster family. The transition of leaving them was hard. And we may have some stress after the visit. But Liana’s foster mom, and her kids and granddaughter were Liana’s loving family for the first year of her life. And I think I owe them the opportunity to say goodbye. But I am nervous. I am meeting the foster mom at the park at 9:30. She is bringing 4 kids.

Liana refused to take a nap today, so all of the chores that I planned to do during her nap did not get done. Including calling the airlines to figure out what to do with the airline ticket that I have for next Monday, but which I am unable to change because I have no idea when my Embassy appointment is going to be.

And to top it all off, Liana was playing with some courtyard kids and took a nasty fall. She bit her lip with her little teeth, and has a little dried blood in her nose that I have been trying to clean out with aloe gel and a q-tip. Her foster parents will think I am abusing her. I’m bringing her to breakfast with dried up blood crusting her little nose.

And having me poke at her with a q-tip has made her quite miserable, and crankier than she would have been without having taken a nap or having a bloody nose. So she slapped me, and I said “no, suave” and showed her how to touch softly. She slapped me again, and I said “no, suave” and touched softly. You have to understand, we do the “no, suave” thing with the kids here all the time when one hits the other. So she hit me again, and I put her in time out. Only her second time out ever. The first one was for hitting too. Well she cried for the full 30 seconds, and so did I. Even though I’ve decided to do time out for hitting, maybe I should have cut the kid a break this evening.

Rough day. All around.

No Pink. No bad news either. Just nothing. In abundance.

I am sooooo losing patience with this wait for my email from the US Embassy. People whose DNA was submitted after mine have already gotten their Pinks and have appointments for the Embassy interview. This process has taken me so long as it is, and I was emotionally prepared for more delays with my second DNA, but the results came back fine! So what is the hold up at the Embassy?

At this point it seems that I am probably going to stay here for Christmas. We are cutting it much much closer than I thought we would. Monday when we got the DNA results, I thought we could possibly have our Embassy interview next week. Now the following week might not even happen.

I have always been really good with kids, but I don’t know a thing about babies and toddlers. I’m making it up as I go along. Of course being a nerdy intellectual type, I’ve done a lot of reading. And being an outgoing social creature, I’ve done a lot of talking with other parents. And as a student of my environment, I’ve watched lots of other moms.

My major effort has gone into creating environments for Liana with minimal reasons to say “no.” She understands “no” and she responds to it. But I like saying “eso!” and “yeah!” and “mas!” much more. The positive reinforcement is much more my style. I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “testing limits” which is, of course, what a little toddler brain wants to do all the time. I am fascinated by watching Liana “test” and see what is ok, and what isn’t.

Liana is fascinated with faces, which is very age appropriate. So we talk about faces a lot, (ummm… I talk, she interacts) and I touch her nose and say “nariz” and then touch mine or someone else’s or the nose on a statue or a painting. We do it with eyes and ears and mouths and ears too. But the nose issue has been coming up in an interesting way. She has traditionally smiled and laughed when I touched her nose and then other noses. Then the other night in a restaurant, I saw her with her finger right up her nostril. I said “no, sucio!” and she looked genuinely surprised and startled. After all.. I had been touching her nose for fun, and she was just exploring further. And I encourage exploration. It must have been confusing. So she went for the nostril again, and I said no again. Hmmm… She thought about it for a few seconds, and put her finger on the side of her nose, next to the nostril, and looked at me to see if that was ok. I kind of felt neutral aobut it, so I didn’t really react. She went up the nostril again, and got a no. Hmmm… She was clearly confused. She then touched the tip of her nose, and then reached out to touch the tip of my nose. “Nariz!” I exclaimed. And then “nose!” Hmmmm. I watched her little brain working... trying to figure this out. Up the nostril again? “No.” The side of the nose? No response from me other than a steady gaze. The tip of hers. I touched the tip of mine. She smiled. The nostril again? “No.”

Testing limits. Literally. It was clear that this particular limit was confusing, and I guess my “touch the nose” game, which she enjoyed a lot, made it more confusing.

Since the original incident in the restaurant, whenever I try now to touch her nose, she shakes her head “no.” I don’t know if this “no” is saying she doesn’t want to play the game, or if this “no” is saying the game is too confusing, or if this “no” is just expressing her power of “no” since I had clearly expressed my power of “no” by not allowing her to put her finger up her nostril, so she is saying "no," I may not touch her nose.

We are both trying to figure the whole thing out together. But I am really lucky to have a receptive learner, with an active curiosity, and a willingness to experiment. There will be many more limits to test as the days and weeks and years go by. I hope that I can be clear, and not confusing. I hope that I can keep finding more reasons to say “yes” instead of “no.” And I hope as her cognitive skills develop, I have good reasons for every “no” and that I never give a “no” without reason.